It was just a typical day, a very normal morning at the gym. I have come to love my workout time and really look forward to going to the gym! I get time with a girl friend or all alone with my podcasts and my kids typically have a blast playing in the kids area! I have found I am a better person when I get to workout on a regular basis. I don’t know if it’s something to do with the serotonin or some hormone that gets released (I’m no doctor), but I think that’s a thing right?
Back to the gym… I hopped on the stair climber to warm up and was soon joined by a friend. We only know one another at the gym and have never actually hung out outside of that.
We started talking about life and how one another is doing, what we have been up to and the weather. Then she asked me a few questions about my age, the kids I have and my husband. When she found out how many years we have been married she actually asked me “so you still like, “like” him and everything?” This question actually shocked me! I was taken back by the response. But, in chewing on it for some time now, I think I understand.
My response that day was “YES.”
Yes, I actually still like him.
Yes, we are actually still happy.
Yes, I actually like him more now than I did the day I married him.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
However, I think she was taken back by my response. I think she expected me to start on a rabbit trail of all the ways he has made me angry, all the ways he has disappointed me and let me down. How we look happy, but really he is super annoying and I do everything!!!
I think that it’s the norm to speak poorly about our husbands. That has been the norm for quite some time. And please hear me when I say that I am guilty of it, too. I have joined in on the husband bashing, the talking about him as though he is a child, so please know that I have been there too.
But what if we started to change that? Looking back on any conversation I have had with friends about how unhelpful my husband has been, or the latest fight we have been in; What kind of picture are they getting of him? Definitely not the one that I want them to see. I want them to know that he is so good! That he works crazy hard for us, that he is a great encourager and father. That he has a super big heart and that he is always willing and wanting to hear me.
I know that for a lot of women they don’t have a great spouse for one reason or another, and for that I am so sorry. And I pray that you can get help and help for your marriage.
But, for the good guys, let’s talk about them like they are good guys! Because they are! I can’t imagine how I would feel if I found out that Jason was bashing me to a group of his friends. Telling them about all the places that I fall short in being a good wife and mother. Because beleive me- I fall super short every day.
What if we changed the way we spoke about our spouse? That it became the norm to lift them up, to tell others how great they are. Not to make them jealous, but to just tell the truth. This sweet woman who asked me that question is single. What kind of example are we, as married women, setting for those next generation of wives? Do we want them to think that marriage is no fun, that it’s a bunch of nagging and complaining about the guy you said you would love forever?
Or, can we give them a different picture? Can we tell them how good they are?
My marriage is not perfect, because when two imperfect people get married they will have an imperfect marriage. But, it is a good marriage. We talk about a lot, set time aside for each other, and most of all, lift each other up when we are down. Can you imagine not only what your marriage could look like, but what this culture we live in would look like if we all spoke kindly about one another?!
I want the next generation of wives to be excited about nights at home with their husband. About the years to come spent getting to know just one person and how intimate that is.
What it’s like to serve one another daily, not just in our acts, but also in our words!
Yes my husband screws up, but so do I.
So the next time you’re asked about your spouse, take a moment to remember your shortcomings first- How you don’t measure up to the grace that you have received, before you speak poorly of them. Then, speak good words about him. Kind, loving words and watch how your mind toward his shortcomings will change.